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Thursday, December 12, 2002

Definitions 

BANKER: Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back when it starts to rain.

BOY SCOUT: A child dressed like an asshole under the leadership of an asshole dressed like a child.

CONSULTANT: Someone who uses your wife's watch, tells you the time, and then charges you for it.

DIPLOMAT: Someone who tells you to go to hell in a way which makes you eager to start the journey.

ARCHITECT: Someone who was neither macho enough to become an engineer nor gay enough to become a designer.

ECONOMIST: An expert who will know tomorrow why that which he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

FRIEND: Definition of a person of the opposite sex who has that "Je ne sais quoi" which eliminates any desire to ever try and sleep with them..

PESSIMIST: Optimist with experience

PROGRAMMER: Someone who fixes a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

LOVE: Four-letter word, two vowels and two consonants to define two idiots.

HEADACHE: Method of contraception most widely used by women.

INTELLECTUAL: Someone capable of thinking for more than 2 hours about something other than sex.

MONOGAMY: Repressed polygamy.

NANOSECOND: Fraction of time which occurs between the lights turning green and the car behind honking its horn.

NYMPHOMANIAC: Term applied by men to any woman who wants sex more than he does.

TEAMWORK: The possibilty of putting the blame on others.

EASY: Term applied to any woman with the sexual morals of a man.

FOOTBALL: That which all women marry without knowing.

IMPATIENCE: Waiting in a hurry.

INDIFFERENCE: Attitude adopted by a woman towards a man in whom she has no interest; interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get".

QUANTUM PHYSICS: A black man, looking in the shadows for a black cat which isn't there.

INFLATION: Having to pay next years prices on last year's salary.
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